I feel so aimless. I feel like I’m constantly being judged 😔 by my profs. How did I end up doing this? This Prof’s comment still lingers in me – “You studied Geography and now you book air tickets?” Thankfully Dr Z stepped in and used the usual ‘economy is bad’ reason to help defend me as my eyes looked down on the floor, not knowing what to say. Like seriously, how rude can you be for making such a comment?
But well, as seemingly ‘sad’ my job looks – I still want to take pride in doing a good job as I can 💪🏼. Like making really nice posters, making sure my seminars are run with a bit of dignity and doing more for SRN’s promotional book.
But sigh that knawing feeling still creeps up on me.
Well, to be honest, I still do like my job as lowly as it is now. I have good friends still around on campus who can keep me company when I miss them! I have many leaves (hurhur), I can wear comfy clothes to work, I can still see some of my profs and chat with them, and hur the people at my workplace are not very strict with timing…. Best of all it’s not stressful as I heal and go through my grieving phase. This is my main reason I tell myself – to be grateful and to not be so hard on myself.
But until when can I keep telling myself this? That aimless feeling is still there. That feeling of – what did I really learn from Geography? What good did it really help me with? What skills did I really learn? I feel so empty of geog. Not doing anything. This is why I really feel like doing a Masters. To get back on my feet and feel more useful again.
I really hope I can find myself again.